"I bet there's going to be a lot of parties to go to this week, too. Not that I'm a crazy partier. Oh, and I'm not always this hyper, either. I'm just excited."
"Yeah, me too."
"I am really glad they put me with somebody cool... I can tell that you're cool. I just know that this whole year is going to be super fun!"
Kathy and Buffy
"This is a bad time."
"You keep saying that."
"Well it looks pretty bad! I think someone had just a little too much free time on their hands."
"I'm not supposed to have a private life?"
"No! 'Cause you're very, very old, and it's gross."
"Well, before I succumb to the ravages of age, why don't you tell me what brings you here."
Buffy and Giles "Basically, I got as far as Oxnard and the engine fell out of my car, and that was literally. So, I ended up washing dishes at 'The Fabulous Ladies Night Club' for about a month and a half while I tried to pay for the repairs. No one really bothered me or even spoke to me until one night when one of the male strippers called in sick and no power on this earth will make me tell you the rest of that story. Suffice to say I traded my car in for one that wasn't entirely made of rust, came trundling back home to the arms of my loving parents, where everything was exactly as it was except I sleep in the basement and I have to pay rent. How's college?"
"Male strippers?"
"No power on this earth!"
Xander and Buffy
"Do we hug?"
"I think we're too manly."
Oz and Xander
"When you look back at this, in the three seconds it'll take you to turn to dust, I think you'll find the mistake was touching my stuff."
"What about breaking your arm, how'd that feel?"
"Let me answer that with a head butt."
"And for the record, the arm is hurt, not broken."
Buffy and Sunday
Living Conditions
"Wow, this music is so... so..."
"I know. This song is super fun. Isn't it?"
"You bet. It just gets fun-er and fun-er every time you play it."
Buffy and Kathy
Darn, I could use a little play tonight. Listening to the best of VH-1 all day sort of put me on edge."
Oh, Kathy's still spinnin' the divas?"
"'Cause it's the fun-est!"
Buffy and Willow
"You took your roommate patrolling with you?"
"Well I invited the whole dorm, but she was the only one that could make it."
Buffy and Giles
The Harsh Light of Day
"That was like the best set ever. We'll do great in LA. We're gonna have them glued to their seats."
"Uh, Devon. Aren't they supposed to dance?"
"Well, we can glue them to the dance floor."
"I didn't mean with real glue. You got that right?"
Devon, Willow, and Oz
"I am not enjoying this."
"Well shelve them correctly and we can finish."
"I don't get your crazy system."
"System? It's called the alphabet."
Xander and Giles
"Where is our relationship going?"
"Our what? Our who?"
"Relationship. What kind do we have. And what is it progressing toward?"
"I ... Uh ... We have a relationship?"
"Yeah. We went to the prom. "
"Yeah, On our one and only date. Second date called on account of snake, remember? And the whole, you used to be a man killing demon thing. Which to be fair, is as much my issue as it is yours."
"I can't stop thinking about you. Sometimes in my dreams, you're all naked."
"Really. You know if I'm in the checkout line at the Wal-Mart I've had the same one."
Anya and Xander
"What's the matter Spike? Dru dump you again?"
"Maybe I left her."
"She left him for a fungus demon. That's all he talks about most days."
Buffy, Spike,and Harmony
"Neck. Paler. The puppy. The angry puppy."
"Yeah, we came to warn you about the - angry puppy."
Buffy and Oz
Fear, Itself
"Okay, and on that happy note, I’ve got a treat for tomorrow nights second annual Halloween screening. People - prepare to have your spines tingled, your gooses bumped by the terrifying Fantasia. Fantasia?"
"Maybe it’s because of all the - horrific things we’ve seen, but hippos wearing tutus just don’t unnerve me the way they used to."
"Phantasm. It was supposed to be Phantasm. Stupid video store!"
Xander and Oz
"Happy Hallow - Hello, Buffy?"
"Oh – my – God."
"It’s a sombrero."
"And it’s on your head."
"It seemed festive."
Buffy and Giles
"Hey, Red. What you got in the basket, little girl?
"Weapons."
"Oh."
"Just in case. Like the tux, Xander.'
"Bond. James Bond. Insurance, you know, in case we get turned into our costumes again. I’m going for cool, secret agent guy."
"I hate to break it to you, but you’ll probably end up cool head waiter guy."
"As long as I’m cool and wield some kind of power."
Xander and Buffy
"This is Gachnar"
"Big overture. Little show."
"I am the dark lord of nightmares! The bringer of terror! Tremble before me. Fear me!"
"He – he’s so cute!"
"Tremble!"
"Who’s a little fear demon? Come on! Who’s a little fear demon!"
"Don’t taunt the fear demon."
"Why, can he hurt me?"
"No, it’s just – tacky."
Buffy,Gachnar, Willow, Xander, and Giles
Beer Bad
"TV is a good thing. Bright colours. Music. Tiny little people."
Buffy
"What did you do with Buffy?"
"I'm suffering the afterness of a bad night of badness."
"You didn't. Not with Parker again."
"No, with four really smart guys."
"Four? Oh. Ow. Oh Buffy, are you okay? Do you wanna talk about it?"
"I went to see Xander. Then I saw Parker. Then came beer."
Buffy and Willow
"And then group sex?"
"Gutter face. No! Just lots and lots of beer. It's nice. Foamy. Comforting. It's just beer."
Willow and Buffy
"I can't believe you served Buffy that beer."
"I didn't know it was evil."
"But you knew it was beer."
"Well excuse me Mr. 'I spent the sixties in an electric Kool-Aid funky Satan groove.'"
Giles and Xander
"Anyways, I think that the boys in the car are contained for the time being. This will give them some time to ponder the geo-political ramifications of BEING MEAN TO ME!"
Xander
Wild at Heart
"You know very well, you eat this late... You're gonna get heartburn. Get it? Heartburn? That's it? That's all I get? One lame-ass vamp with no appreciation for my painstakingly thought-out puns. I don't think the forces of darkness are even trying. I mean, you could make a little effort here, you know? Give me something to work with."
Buffy
"Are you ok? How'd you do? This is good. I mean, this is excellent. You did better than me. This is so unfair! You made me jealous of you academically. Buffy!"
Willow
"Peace of Westphalia."
"Uh, yalta?"
"Oh, you moron. That dinette set should be mine."
Giles and person on TV
"I knew, you jerk. And you sat there, and you told me everything was fine? And that's as bad as... As..."
"I know how it feels. I remember."
"Oh. So what, this is payback? I had this coming?"
"No. It's not--"
"Because I thought that was behind us. And you know, what happened with Xander, it doesn't compare. Not with what you and I had. Not with whatever you've been doing with her."
Willow and Oz
The Initiative
"Oh...Check her out. Is she hot, or is she hot?" "She's Buffy."
"Buffy? I like that. That girl's so hot, she's Buffy." "It's her name, Forrest."
Riley and Forrest
"I don't dislike her. She just-- she never feels like she's really there when you talk to her. I like girls I can get a grip on."
"I bet you do."
"Not that way. Just a little less ready for takeoff all the time. There's definitely something off about her."
"Maybe she's Canadian."
Riley, Forrest,and Graham
"You know, for someone who teaches human behavior, you might try showing some."
"It's not my job to coddle my students."
"You're right. A human being in pain has nothing to do with your job."
Buffy and Walsh
"I just didn't like hearing him talk about Buffy that way. I think I... Well, I guess I like her."
"You're kind of like a moron."
"So, you... You knew that I had feelings for her." "Everybody knows, man. Oh, she's peculiar? Dead giveaway, buddy."
"I'm always the last to know."
"So, whatcha gonna do?"
"Well, I guess I'm gonna go see a girl."
Riley and Forrest
"Every man faces this moment. Here. Now. Watching. Waiting For an unseen enemy that has no face. Nerve endings screaming in silence. Never knowing which thought might be your last."
"Oh, shut up."
Xander and Giles
"Keep eye contact. Funny is good, but don't be glib. And remember, if you hurt her, I will beat you to death with a shovel. A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend. Have fun."
Willow
Pangs
"We don't say 'indian.'"
"Oh, right. Yes, yes. Um, always behind on the terms. Still trying not to refer to you lot as "bloody colonials."
Buffy and Giles
"Can we come rocketing back to the part about me and my new syphilis?"
"It'll make you blind and insane, but it won't kill you. The smallpox will."
Xander and Anya
"Oh, damn it! look, I'm safe. I can't bite anyone. Willow, tell' em what I did."
"You said you were gonna kill me, then buffy."
"Yes, bad, but let's skip that part and get to the part where I couldn't bite you."
"It's true. He had trouble performing."
"Yeah, well, it looks like they've done me for good. Um..."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying that Spike had a little trip to the vet and now he doesn't chase the other puppies anymore. I can't bite anything. I can't even hit people."
"So you haven't murdered anybody lately? Let's be best pals."
Spike, Willow, and Buffy
"Oh, someone put a stake in me."
"You got a lot of volunteers in here."
"I just can't take all this mamby-pamby boo-hooing about the bloody Indians."
"Uh, the preferred term--"
"You won. All right? You came in and you killed them and you took their land. That's what conquering nations do. It's what Caesar did, and he's not going around saying, 'I came, I conquered, I felt really bad about it.' The history of the world isn't people making friends. You had better weapons, and you massacred them. End of story."
Buffy, Spike, and Xander
"You exterminated his race. What could you possibly say that would make him feel better? It's kill or be killed here. Take your bloody pick."
Maybe it's the syphilis talking, but... Some of that made sense."
I made these points earlier, but fine, no one listens to me."
Spike, Xander,and Giles
"A bear!"
"You made a bear!"
"I didn't mean to."
"Undo it! Undo it!"
Buffy and Spike
Something Blue
"Is there something you want to tell me?"
"What?"
"Oh, yes, I am a lesbian."
Buffy and Riley
Look, look, Spike... we have no intention of killing a harmless.. uh, creature.. but we have to know what's been done to you. We can't let you go until we're sure that you're... impotent..."
"Hey!"
"Sorry, poor choice of words. Until we're sure you're, you're..."
"Flaccid?"
"You are one step away, missy."
"Giles, help! He's going to scold me."
Giles, Spike, and Buffy
"You want something nicer? Look at my poor neck. All bare and tender and exposed... all that blood just pumping away..."
Buffy
"'Passions is on! Timmy's down the bloody well, and if you make me miss it, I'll..."
"You'll do what? Lick me to death?"
Spike and Giles
"And you both were affected. I probably only escaped because I'm the Slayer. Some kind of natural immunity."
"Yeah. Right. You're marrying Spike because you're so right for each other."
"Xander!"
"That's it ... you're off the usher list."
Buffy, Xander, and Spike
"Oh, ugh..."
"Oh, bloody hell!"
"Spike lips! Lips of Spike!"
Buffy and Spike
"Yeah... well I'm not the one who wanted, 'Wind Beneath My Wings' for the first dance."
Spike
Hush
"Can't even shout, can't even cry
The gentlemen are coming by
Looking in windows, knocking on doors
They need to take seven and they might take yours
Can't call to mom, can't say a word
You're gonna die screaming but you won't be heard."
Girl
"We're out of wheetabix."
"We are out of wheetabix because you ate it all- again."
"Get some more."
"I thought vampires were supposed to eat blood."
"Yep. Well sometimes I like to crumble up the wheetabix in the blood- give it a little texture."
"Since the picture you just painted means I will never touch food of any kind again you'll just have to pick it up yourself."
"Sissy."
Spike and Giles
"I don't. This isn't a relationship you don't need me, all you care about is lots of orgasms."
"Okay... remember how we talked about private conversations and how they're less private when they're in front of my friends?"
"Oh, we're not your friends. Go on."
"Please don't."
Anya, Xander, Spike, and Giles
"So not stellar, huh?"
"Talk! All talk. Blah, blah, Gaia, blah, blah, moon, menstrual life force power thingy. You know, after a couple of sessions I was hoping we would get into something real but..."
"No actual witches in your witch group."
"No, bunch of wanna-blessed-bes. You know, nowadays every girl with a henna tatoo and a spice rack thinks she's a sister to the dark ones."
Buffy and Willow
"I don't see why I have to be tied up."
"It's just while I'm sleeping."
"Like I'd bite you anyway."
"Oh you would."
"Not bloody likely."
"I happen to be very biteable pal. I'm moist and delicious."
"Alright, yeah fine you're a nummy treat."
"And don't you forget it!"
Spike and Xander
"Well, I guess we have to talk."
"I guess we do."
Buffy and Riley
Doomed
"What are you?"
"Capricorn on the cusp of Aquarius. You?"
Riley and Buffy
"I thought a professional demon chaser like yourself would have figured it out by now. - I’m the Slayer. Slay-er? - Chosen One. She who hangs out a lot in cemeteries? - You’re kidding. Ask around. Look it up: Slayer comma the."
Buffy
"Yeah, delivering melted cheese on bread, doing your part to keep America constipated."
Spike
"Wow. I wasn’t sure where the party was, and then I saw the flashing lights and the ambulance, and I was like 'right, of course! Death, carnage – it’s a Buffy party!"
Buffy
"It’s kind of the CBS logo. Hey, could this be the handiwork of one Mr. Morley Safer?"
Xander
"It’s the end of the world."
"Again?"
"It’s ah, the earthquake, - that symbol, - yes."
"I told you. I-I said end of the world and you’re like ‘poo-poo southern California, poo-poo!"
"I’m so very sorry. My contrition completely dwarfs the impending apocalypse."
Giles,Buffy, Willow and Xander
"What are you doing?"
"Bloody rot. Can’t a person knock?"
"What were you doing?"
"You were trying to stake yourself!"
"Fag off! - It’s no concern of yours."
"Is, too. For one thing that’s my shirt you’re about to dust. For another, we’ve shared a lot here. You should have trusted me enough to do it for you."
"Xander!"
"What? He wants to die, I want to help."
Willow, Spike, and Xander
"Think of the happy. If we don’t find what we’re looking for, we face an apocalypse."
"Really? You’re not just saying that?"
Spike and Xander
"That’s right. I’m back. And I’m a BLOODY ANIMAL! Yeah!"
Spike
"What’s this? Sitting around watching the telly while there’s evil still a foot. That’s not very industrious of you. I say we go out there and kick a little demon ass! What, can’t go without your Buffy, is that it? Too chicken? Let’s find her! She is the Chosen One after all. – Come on! Vampires! Grrr! Nasty! Let’s annihilate them. For justice - and for - the safety of puppies – and Christmas, right? Let’s fight that evil! - Let’s kill something! Oh, come on!"
Spike
A New Man
"That's my radio!"
"And you're what? Shocked and disappointed? I'm evil!"
Spike and Xander
"Out! Before I get the Slayer over here to kick your ass out!"
"Don't know why she didn't come. Say good-bye, shed a few tears."
"Well, she has an appointment with somebody who's actually still scary!"
Xander and Spike
"Now I understand your energies were directed in the same places as ours, in fact. It's only our methods that differ. We use the latest in scientific technology and state-of-the-art weaponry and you, if I understand correctly, poke them with a sharp stick."
"Well, it's more effective than it sounds."
Walsh and Buffy
"The demon attacked Professor Walsh. Got out of a small, gray car. A Citroen."
"It stole Giles' car."
"Why would a demon steal a car?"
"Why would a demon steal that car?"
Riley,Willow,Xander, and Anya
"I really got to learn to just do the damage and get out of town. It's the 'stay and gloat' that gets me every time."
Ethan
The I in Team
"I implore you, Neisa, blessed goddess of chance and fortune, heed my call. Send to me the heart I desire."
"You know, magic at the poker table qualifies as cheating."
Willow and Xander
"Will, I think you better get used to-- a Twinkie!? That's his lunch? Oh, he is so gonna be punished."
"Everyone's getting spanked but me."
"What?"
"Uh, nothing."
Buffy and Willow
"Hey! Wipe your feet when you enter a person's home."
"Oh, yes. Careless of me. Tracking mud all over your, uh ... mud."
Spike and Giles
"You can't take that home. That's classified material. Highly sensitive. When you're through reading those pages you'll have to eat them."
Walsh
"They do have keen eyesight, however. You might want to be suited up for this."
"Oh. You mean the cammo and stuff? I thought about it but, I mean, it's gonna look all 'Private Benjamin.' Don't worry I've patrolled in this halter many times."
Walsh and Buffy
"I don't know how many more ways I can say 'I'm not interested.'"
"W-- try one! Check these flavors. Cherry-berry. Maple walnut. Ooo, almond licorice.
Ew."
"Anya, we don't say 'ew' in front of potential customers."
"Just skip this part and tell him you want money to buy me pretty things. He'll understand."
"Very well. Hmm, maple walnut."
"An excellent choice."
"Please leave my home now."
"It's the, uh, the gritty texture, isn't it? Maybe you're more a cherry-berry fellow."
Giles, Xander, and Anya
"Close the door!"
"Spike? You may want to give up these morning jogs."
"Soldiers boys are out in force. I've been trying to keep them off my scent. Run them in circles. But they keep coming."
"And . . . how is this our concern? Seeing as how you've expressed the desire to have nothing more to do with us."
"Spike said that?"
"Mm-hmm."
"...That hurts."
Spike,Xander,and Giles
"Professor Walsh. That simple little recon you sent me on . . . wasn't a raccoon. Turns out it was me trapped in the sewers with a faulty weapon and two of your pet demons. If you think that's enough to kill me, you really don't know what a Slayer is. Trust me when I say you're gonna find out."
Buffy
Goodbye Iowa
"Everybody grab a weapon. We've gotta move."
"Storm the Initiative. Yeah let's take on those suckers."
"I was thinking more that we'd hide."
"Oh thank God."
Buffy and Xander
"That's hostile 17."
"No, I'm just a friend of Xaannderr's. Pfftt. Bugger it. I'm your guy."
"This is Spike. He's um.. It's a really long story b-but he's not bad anymore."
"Hey! What am I, a bleeding broken record? I'm bad, it's just I can't bite anymore. Thanks to you wankers."
Buffy, Riley, and Spike
"Must we have the noise. My head is splitting."
"Well, look who's cranky bear in the morning."
"Yes I can't imagine why I didn't sleep well in my beach ball."
"Every time you moved it made squeaky noises. It was irritating."
"Really. I'm surprised you could hear it over your Wagnerian snoring."
Giles, Willow, and Anya
"You really should get yourself a boring boyfriend. Like Xander. You can't have Xander!"
Anya
"You guys research the Polgara demon. I want to know where it is. When I find it I'm going to make him pay for taking that kid's life, I'll make him die in ways he can't even imagine. That probably would have sounded more commanding if I wasn't wearing my yummy sushi pajamas."
Buffy
"I'm going to have to punch you aren't I?"
"Just once and it don't have to hurt, just make it look good. Ohhh. Oww."
"Not yet. I haven't touched you."
Buffy and Willy
"Giles, Anya keep researching. Xander, you and I are going undercover."
"Hey! Remember before. No Xander! Not in a boyfriend way or a lead him to a certain death way."
Buffy and Anya
"Sorry, I'm the only one that can pass the retinal scan."
"The. Ewww. I don't wanna see that."
"Retinal scan Xander."
Buffy and Xander
"Holy moley."
"I know."
"I totally get it now. Can I have sex with Riley too?"
Buffy and Xander
"Quick pretend to make out with me."
Buffy: "Wait, what are you talking about?"
"Well I uh, you know. In the movies the guy and the girl have to hide."
"Please, could you possibly draw more attention to us? This is the Initiative, Xander. Military guys and scientists do not make out with each other."
"Well, maybe that's wrong with the world. Ever think about that?"
Xander and Buffy
This Year's Girl
"So, here it is. The latest in state-of-the-art combat technology. I gotta say, it doesn't look that complicated."
"So can you repair it?"
"Sure. As soon as I get my master's degree in advanced starship technology."
"Well, why don't we experiment? Press some buttons, see what happens."
"I'd like to veto that."
"Second. It's called a blaster, Will, a word that tends to discourage experimentation. Now, if it were called the Orgazmater, I'd be the first to try your basic button press approach."
Buffy, Xander, Willow, and Giles
"It's not coming to that. The Initiative created this thing and they can't stop it. But we will."
"Question: Will hiding in a cavern with stockpiled chocolate goods be any part of this plan?"
Buffy and Xander
"Oh God, I'm sorry! Did I hurt you?"
"No, a giant skewer through the rib cage hurt me. That was just a reminder."
Buffy and Riley
"I'd hate to see the pursuit of a homicidal lunatic get in the way of pursuing a homicidal lunatic."
"Well, Faith's not exactly low-profile girl. I'll patrol and wait for her to make a move."
"But then what?"
"Oooh! I have an idea! Beat the crap out of her!" "Good plan."
Buffy,Willow, Giles, and Xander
"We have no idea where she is. We don't know what she's thinking, what she's feeling..."
"Who she's doing."
Buffy and Xander
"I guess it was too much to hope that you'd use your downtime to reflect and grow."
"I could say the same about you. I mean, you're still the same better-than-thou Buffy. I mean, I knew it somehow. I kept having this dream, I'm not sure what it means, but in the dream the self-righteous blond chick stabs me, and you wanna know why?"
"You had it coming."
Buffy and Faith
"You sure you're okay?"
"Five-by-five."
Joyce and Buffy
Who Are You
"Why, yes, I would be Buffy. May I help you? Buf-fy. You can't do that - it's wrong. You can't do that because it's naughty. Because it's wrong. Because it's wrong. You can't do that. It's wrong. I'll kick your ass. I'm gonna kill you."
Buffy
"It's about Faith, not surprisingly."
"Didn't Joyce tell you? I already kicked that ass."
"I feel a high five coming on."
"Where is she?"
"On her way to the big house. Cops took her off my hands about an hour ago. Poetic justice."
"How's that?"
"Well, she did all those crimes, and now she's being arrested. I guess that's just regular justice."
Buffy, Giles, Willow, Xander, and Anya
"We kind of have a romantic evening planned."
"We were gonna light a bunch of candles and have sex near them."
"Well, we certainly don't want to cut into that seven minutes."
"Hey."
"I believe that's my hey. Hey!"
Xander, Anya, and Buffy
"What, are you keeping tabs on me? You're gonna give me a hard time now?"
"Um, do I usually give you a hard time?"
"Very funny. Well, you don't have to worry about me drinking. Unless you're here to protect innocent beers."
Buffy and Spike
"You know why I really hate you, Summers?"
"'Cause I'm a stuck-up tight-ass with no sense of fun?"
"Well, yeah, that covers a lot of it."
"Cause I could do anything I want, and instead, I choose to pout and whine and feel the burden of slayerness? I mean, I could be rich, I could be famous, I could have anything. Anyone. Even you, Spike. I could ride you at a gallop until your legs buckled and your eyes rolled up. I've got muscles you've never even dreamed of. I could squeeze you until you popped like warm champagne, and you'd beg me to hurt you just a little bit more. And you know why I don't? Because it's wrong."
"I get this chip out, you and me are gonna have a confrontation."
"Count on it."
Buffy and Spike
"So you guys been hanging out a lot lately, hunh?"
"Yeah. she's, um, she's really cool."
"So Willow's not driving stick anymore. Who would have thought? I guess you never really know someone until you've been inside their skin. And Oz is out of the picture? Oh, never seen two people so much in love. She just couldn't get enough of old Oz."
"She, um, said he, uh, uh, w-w-w-w-w-went..."
"He w-w-w-w-what? You gonna get that sentence out sometime tonight?"
Buffy and Tara
"Giles!"
"God!"
"Don't move. Ok, Giles, you have to listen to me very carefully. I'm not Faith."
"Really?"
"Really."
"Because the resemblance is striking."
"I know. Giles, you just have to... Stop inching! You were inching."
"Look, I-I know what you're going to say, and-and uh-" "I'm Buffy."
"All right, I didn't know what you were going to say, but that doesn't make you any less crazy."
Faith and Giles
"Who's president?"
"We're checking for Buffy, not a concussion."
"Oh, yes, Alright. um..."
"Giles, you turned into a demon, and I knew it was you. I mean can't you just look in my eyes and be all intuitive?"
"How did I turn into a demon?"
"Oh, cause, uh, Ethan Rayne. And-and you have a girlfriend named Olivia, and you haven't had a job since we blew up the school, which is valid lifestyle wise. I mean, it's not like you're a slacker type, but... Oh, oh! when I had psychic power, I heard my mom think that you were like a stevedore during sex. What? Do you want me to continue?"
"Actually, I beg you to stop."
"What's a stevedore?"
Faith and Giles
"I don't understand. how could she have... I mean, how's it possible?"
"Magic."
"There was something. I should've picked up on it. I should've just..."
"You slept with her."
"I slept with you. Man, would I like to get my hands on her. Not in a sex way."
"I don't think she's coming back."
"Guess she's had her fun."
"Yeah. Fun."
Buffy and Riley
Superstar "I don't care if it is an orgy of death, there's still such a thing as a napkin." "A nest. No biggie. I bet I could do it. I know could take at least two." "Yes and we could run for help while the other three suck your heart out through your neck." Buffy, Willow, and Anya "Sshh! Sssh! Quick draws about more than speed. It's also about pointing a stake the right way. Sshh! Sssh! And there can be splinter issues. It is a true test of dexterity." "Can you open this?" "No, I tear it and it gets all sloshy." Xander and Anya "I think did great. We knocked em dead. Which they already were." "We knocked 'em deader!" "They weren't very well organized. If they had all rushed at Buffy they could have killed her right away." "Thanks Anya. That won't keep me awake all night." Buffy, xander, Willow, and Anya "I live here. I wasn't exactly pining for a noisy visit from 'wonder Jonathan and his fluffy battle kittens'." "Yeah? You think that one up with all the time you spend not being able to bite people?" "Careful, he's still pretty dangerous." "Yeah, back off 'Betty.'" "It's Buffy, you big bleached... stupid guy." Buffy, Spike, and Jonanthan "Last night with me you said Jonathan." "It was a moan!" "Fine! You moaned Jonathan!" "Not unh! It was like unnh-unnh-atha." "Maybe it was ahh-onathan. Still not fluffing up the old ego." Xander and Anya "Xander's not here." "Oh." "You're not going away. Why aren't you going away?" Buffy and Anya "I'm just saying it doesn't make any sense. H-he starred in the Matrix but he never left town. And how'd he graduate from med school? He's only eighteen years old." "Effective time management?" Buffy and Xander "Giles, do you have a Jonathan swimsuit calendar?" "No... Yes. It was a gift." Buffy and Giles "These spells... these really work? I mean, can you really 'turn your enemies inside out'? Or... learn to 'excrete gold coins'?" "That one's not so much fun." "They work Riley but they take concentration. Being attuned with the forces of the universe." "Right you can't just go 'librum incendere' and expect..." "Xander don't speak Latin in front of the books." Riley, Ayna, Willow, Xander, and Giles "You know what I'll always remember?" "The swimsuit calendar's sticking in my mind. Not in a good way." "I'll always remember the way he made me feel about me. Valued, respected, sort of tingly... Now I'm just empty." "Poor Xander. I guess Jonathan hurt you most of all." "Ummm." "Except of course, after Tara." "Did anyone else feel way too tall? I felt way too tall." Xander, Riley, Buffy, and Tara Where the Wild Things Are
"Okay, you get Fang, I'll get Horny. I mean..."
Buffy
"They, they're probably going to-"
"Yes, thank you Willow, I did attend university in the Mesozoic era, I do remember what it's like."
Willow and Giles
"Grr! Oh, it's you."
"Spike! What are you doing? You made me yell really high."
"Hey! Yeah, I did. I scared you. Gimme money."
"I'm not paying you for scaring me."
"You're not paying me. I'm robbing you."
"Oh, well now that's just ludicrous. You can't hurt me because you've got that chip in your brain. Also, I like my money the way it is... when it's mine."
Anya and Spike
"We have to go back in there."
"Why?"
"Because Buffy and Riley are trapped."
"So? She's the Slayer, he's a big soldier boy, what do they need you for?"
"Anya, look around! There's ghosts and shaking, and people are going all Felicity with their hair... We're fresh out of superpeople, and somebody's gotta go back in there. Now who's with me?"
"I am. I know I'm not the first choice for heroics ... and Buffy's tried to kill me more than once. And, I don't fancy a single one of you at all. But... Actually, all that sounds pretty convincing. I wonder if Danger Mouse is on."
Spike, Anya, Xander, and Willow
"Oh."
"Wow."
"To be fated..."
"Um, could we go back to the haunted house? Cause, this is creeping me out."
"Does he do this a lot?"
"Sure. Every day the earth rotates backward and the skies turn orange."
Xander, willow, Giles, and Tara
"Oh, come on, he is kinda sexy."
"Like I do..."
"I'm fighting total mental breakdown here, Will. No more fueling the fire please."
Willow, Giles, and Xander
"When you called to Buffy and Riley, they didn't cry out or, or respond in any way?"
"No. They're probably dead."
"Unless they're too busy doin' it to answer."
"Doing what?"
"You know, for a god of acoustic rock, you're... kind of naive."
"I didn't think you meant... In the midst of all that, do you really think they were keeping it up? Oh, for a different phrasing."
Giles, Anya, and Xander
"Well, that totally adds to my 'old people are crazy' theorem."
Xander
"Shut up, repressed crybabies!" Anya
New Moon Rising
"Buffy doesn't make her quota. Bad slayer!" Buffy
"We got demons coming out our ears."
"That's a metaphor."
"I got it, thanks."
"I'm overhelping, aren't I?"
Riley, Willow, and Tara
"Oz, man. Hate to sound grandma, but... you don't call, you don't write."
"Yeah, sorry."
Xander and Oz
"You're kidding me. Gotta say I'm surprised. I didn't think Willow was that kind of girl."
"What kind of girl?"
"Into dangerous guys. She seems smarter than that."
"Oz is not dangerous. Something happened to him that wasn't his fault. God, I never knew you were such a bigot."
"Whoa, hey, how did we get to bigot? I'm just saying it's a little weird to date someone who tries to eat you once a month."
Riley and Buffy
"Well, I believe a manly sized breakfast is in order, don't you?"
"Or we could just... sleep a little while. Whatever you want."
"I'll have the less confusing waffles right now." "Breakfast it is."
Willow and Oz
"Wait. Last night was a wolf moon, right?"
"Yup."
"Either you're about to tell me something incredibly kinky, or-"
"No kink. He didn't change, Buffy. He said he was gonna find a cure, and he did. In Tibet."
"Oh my god. I can't believe it. Okay, I'm all with the woo-hoo here, and you're not."
"No, there's 'woo' and, and 'hoo.' But there's 'uh-oh,' and... 'why now?' And... it's complicated."
"Why complicated?"
"It's complicated... because of Tara."
"You mean Tara has a crush on Oz? No. Oh! Oh. Um... well... that's great. You know, I mean, I think Tara's a, a really great girl, Will."
"She is. And... there's something between us. It-it wasn't something I was looking for. It's just powerful. And it's totally different from what Oz and I have."
"Well, there you go, I mean, you know, you have to - you have to follow your heart, Will. And that's what's important, Will."
"Why do you keep saying my name like that?"
"Like what, Will?"
"Are you freaked?"
"What? No, Will, d- No. No, absolutely no to that question. I'm glad you told me. What did you say to Oz?"
"I was gonna tell him ... but then we started hanging out, and ... I could just feel everything coming back. He's Oz, you know?"
"Yeah. I know."
"I don't wanna hurt anyone, Buffy."
"No matter what, somebody's gonna get hurt. And the important thing is, you just have to be honest, or it's gonna be a lot worse."
Willow and Buffy
"Yeah, well love isn't logical, Riley. It's not like you can be Mister Joe Sensible about it all the time. God knows I haven't been."
Riley and Buffy
"So that's good, right? I mean, they probably haven't had time to eviscerate him yet."
"An, you can help by making this a quiet time."
Anya and Xander
"Slap my hand now!"
"Beg your pardon?"
"In celebration."
"Oh... Yes."
"Ow!"
Anya and Giles
"Stay back... or I'll pull a William Burroughs on your leader here."
"You'll bore him to death with free prose?"
"Was I the only one awake in English that day? I'll kill him."
Buffy and Xander
"You're a dead man, Finn."
"No, sir. I'm an anarchist."
McNamara and Riley
The Yoko Factor
"Two Slayers."
"That's right."
"And you killed them both?"
"Yeah. I killed the hell out of them."
"Yet you fear this one?"
"Hey, watch it, mate. I don't fear anything. Just know my enemies."
"Do you? Then why haven't you killed this Slayer yet?"
"Because... Stinking, rotten luck is why. On top of that, now I got this buggering chip up my head."
Adam and Spike
"I take it you're not an Angel fan either?"
"Well, it's not like I hate the guy. Just, you know . . the guts part of him."
Riley and Xander
"She went running to L.A. to bone up on her history."
"No! I'm sure it's boneless. She just needs to make sure everything's okay. She's probably back already."
Riley and Xander
"This is so like them, lately. It's all about them and the college life. Well, you know what college is? It's high school only without the actual going to class. Well, high school was kinda like that too. But the point is, I'm out there working hard to make a living. It's nothing but a huge joke to them. Xander got fired from Starbucks. Xander got fired from that phone-sex line."
"They look down on you."
"And they hate you."
"But they don't look down on me."
Xander and Anya
"Okay, that's enough! I see one more display of testosterone poisoning and I will personally put you both in the hospital! Anybody think I'm exaggerating?"
"He started--"
Buffy and Angel
"Okay. I come to see you, to help you, and you treat me like I'm just . . . your ex."
"Well, technically--"
"Shut up! And then you order me out of your city and then you come here and start pounding on my boyfriend?! I would really like to know what the HELL are you trying to do?!"
Angel: "I was trying to make things better. Heh. Well. It's a . . . going pretty good, don'tyou think?"
"Swell."
"You know-- heh. I couldn't leave it like that. The way I spoke to you-- I came to apologize. I . . I had no right."
"And Riley?"
"I got jumped by some soldiers. He came in in the middle. And wasn't real forthcoming with the benefit of the doubt."
"Put yourself in his place."
"I get it."
"Look . . . You weren't entirely wrong, what you said in L.A. We don't live in each other's worlds anymore. I had no right to barge in on yours and make judgments."
"I'm still sorry."
"Thank you."
"And, next time . . I'll apologize by phone. Uh, things are pretty tense around here."
"They really are."
"Can I do anything?"
"Honestly . . . I think the best thing you can do right now is--"
"Okay."
"It means a lot that you came."
"Oh, and . . . Riley."
"Yeah?"
"I don't like him."
"Thank you."
Buffy and Angel
"You never train with me anymore. He's gonna kick your ass."
Giles
"Are you drunk?"
"Yes. Quite a bit, actually."
Buffy and Giles
Primeval
"Demons cling to old ways and ancient feuds. And they're hopeless with technology. Unworthy."
"Not really wanting a lecture right now."
"Disappointed by demon-kind, we turned to humans. Smart, adaptive. But emotional and weak. Blind. But there's imperfection everywhere. Something must be done. Who will deliver us? Mother. She saw our future, yours and mine. She saw that you were necessary. She saw the role that you will play by my side."
Adam and Riley
"Must be programmed to self-decrypt at a certain point. That is so annoying. It-it's like somebody blurting out the answer to a riddle just when you've-- I mean, yippee! We have the information."
Willow
"So . . why do you think Spike made with the head games?"
"He's all dressed up with no one to bite. He's gotta get his ya-yas somehow."
"I think it was more than that. I think it was Adam."
"Spike's working for Adam!? After all we've done-- Nah. I can't even act surprised."
Willow, Xander, and Buffy
"So, no problem! All we need is combo Buffy. Her with Slayer strength, Giles' multi-lingual know-how, and Willow's witchy power. Yeah, don't tell me. I'm just full of helpful suggestions."
"As a matter of fact, you are."
Xander and Giles
"Nasty sort of fellow. Lucky for you blighters I was here, 'ey?"
"Yes. Uh, thank you. Although your heroism is slightly muted by the fact that you were helping Adam to start a war that would kill us all."
"He probably just saved us so we wouldn't stake you right here."
"Well, yeah. Did it work? Well, then everything's all right. We all get to be not staked-through-the-heart. Good work, team."
Spike, Giles, and Xander
"It was an experiment. The Initiative represented the government's interest in not only controlling the otherworldly menace but in harnessing its power for our own military purposes. The considered opinion of this counsel is that the experiment has failed. Once the prototype took control of the complex, our soldiers suffered a forty percent casualty rate. And it seems that it was only through the actions of a deserter and a group of civilian insurrectionists that our losses were not total. I trust the irony of that is not lost on any of us? Maggie Walsh's vision was brilliant but, ultimately, insupportable. The demons cannot be harnessed. Cannot be controlled. It is therefore our recommendation that this project be terminated and all records concerning it expunged. Our soldiers will be debriefed. Standard confidentiality clause. We will monitor the civilians. And the usual measures prepared should they try to go public. I don't think they will. The Initiative itself will be filled in with concrete. Burn it down, gentlemen. Burn it down... and salt the earth."
Mr. Ward
Restless
"They're not gonna make me disappear, and they're not pinning anything on me. I got Graham and a lot of the guys testifying I'm the reason they're alive. I might actually get out of this with an honorable discharge."
"In return for your silence, no doubt."
"Oh yeah. Having the inside scoop on the administration's own Bay of Mutated Pigs is definitely an advantage."
"It's like you're blackmailing the government. In a... patriotic way."
Riley, Giles, and Willow
"Dinner is served. And my very own recipe."
"Ooh, you pushed the button on the microwave that says 'popcorn'?"
"Actually, I pushed 'defrost,' but, um, Joyce was there in the clinch."
Xander and Willow
"Everyone's starting to wonder about you. The real you. If they find out, they'll punish you, I... I can't help you with that."
Tara
"Play is long over. Why are you still in costume?"
"Okay, still having to explain wherein this is just my outfit."
"Willow, everybody already knows. Take it off."
"No. No. I need it."
"Oh, for god's sake, just take it off. That's better. It's much more realistic."
Buffy and Willow
"My god, it's like a tragedy."
"I tried to warn you."
"It's exactly like a Greek tragedy. There should only be Greeks."
"My book report. This summer I, I read The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe."
"Oh, who cares?"
Anya, Oz, Willow , and Xander
"I've hired myself out as an attraction."
"Sideshow freak?"
"Well, at least it's showbiz."
Spike and Giles
